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Top 5 movies for you personnally that they have not done yet

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1) The Octagon (1980)

 

A personal favorite of mine starring Chuck Norris. Chuck is a former martial arts prize fighter of some sort who retired because he was too awesome and accidentally killed a guy. He stumbles into a plot lead by his brother (who is Japanese) to train the henchman of French terrorists to become ninjas. The real selling point of this movie has to be their artistic choice to, every now and then, provide Chuck's inner monologue; thing is, apparently Chuck's head is literally empty because every word of his monologue echoes to the point you can barely understand it.

 

2) DOA: Dead or Alive (2006)

 

They've done Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat. This will continue the trends of crazy movies based on plotless 1 on 1 fight games. This one even has a cameo appearance by Lui Kang from Mortal Kombat. It starts out crazy right off the bat, is full of girls in underwear/swimwear grunting and fighting, and has an insane evil plot involving sunglasses. One thing that makes this game series special is that, in addition to the series of fighting games, the DOA series included a beach volley ball game with the same characters, and the movie stays true to this. It's stars include Jaime Presley and Holly Valance.

 

3) Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)

 

This one is just awful. I may be biased by having seen the JCVD Street Fighter when I was a child, but even as stupid as it was, I enjoyed it. This one though has none of the campy fun. It could act as a sort of comparison piece to make you really appreciate the first. Things that give the film HDTGM merit include a seemingly random choice of accents and ethnicities for the actors and characters (Bison is played by a short blonde white guy with an irish accent despite the movie telling us he was born and raised in Thailand, the main character has a growing up montage where she starts as a young chinese girl and grows into a pretty white looking mixed race actress) and a strange plot that I don't think relates to the game in any way but does fail to make any sense and includes random unexplained super natural elements.

 

4) TMNT III (1993)

 

This is another follow up to a previous episode. This one somehow goes way off the rails by deciding not to include any of the usual villains. Instead, the turtles get sent back in time to beat up random Japanese people. Technically, they exchange places with 4 ancient japanese soldiers, so we will sporadically get shots of 4 barely dressed japanese guys fighting each other in the present. If my memory serves, I think there is even a strange love story between one of the turtles and a woman related to the soldier he replaced a la Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai.

 

5) Swordfish (2001)

 

This is, I think, a fairly well known one. Hugh Jackman is a former world's greatest hacker who has been legally outlawed from touching a computer but is lured into a plot by John Travolta and Halle Barrey to get money for anti?-terrosim terrorists? It's a movie with a twist ending that explicitly criticizes other better movies for how unrealistic they are. It's got the usual ridiculous hacking montage and famously is the movie that got Halle Barrey to go topless.

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1. Master Of Disguise

 

2. Nutcracker 3D

 

3. Death Wish 3

 

4. The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies

 

5. Terminator Genisys

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So many I'd love to hear, but top 5 are:

 

1. Kuffs (1992) - I'm pretty sure that this movie is objectively bad, but I think it's fucking great.

 

2. Enemy Mine (1985) - I thought this was the most pretentious, dull piece of shit in a long time.

 

3. Leonard Part 6 (1987) - Bill Cosby's worst movie. 'nuff said.

 

4. An American Vampire Story (1997) - Worst movie I've ever seen. I paid a dollar for this DVD at a grocery store and was way overcharged. Bought it exclusively for the Adam West cameo and he's not even good in it.

 

5. Slapstick (Of Another Kind) (1982) - I like the book a lot, and...this is not that book. So many funny, weird people being too weird and not funny enough.

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1. Any Given Sunday- An entire movie of Devil's Advocate style Pacino monologues, only about footbal. A football movie where Oliver Stone still thinks he's directing Natural Born killers. Cameron Diaz playing it cool with foot long penises dangling in her face. Black players make fun of the white players' music, so the white players retaliate by throwing an alligator at them. Every single football play results in either a career-ending injury or a touchdown. An eyeball pops out. An SUV is chainsawed in half. James Wood goes on a 5 minute rant against women for no reason at all. Amazingly surreal. GET PETE HOLMES BACK TO DO THIS!

 

2. Red Lights- Defies explanation. Sigourney Weaver plays a psychic debunker in some alternate reality where psychic frauds are the biggest plague on humanity. This movie is to skeptics what Left Behind is to Christians: persecution porn.

 

3. The Girl Next Door- On the surface this isn't HDTGM material, but this is most tonally confused movie I've ever seen. A high school boy discovers his new neighbor is a famous porn star and must scramble to secretly shoot a porno at his school in the middle of prom. Sounds like a madcap teen sex comedy? No! The movie delivers this completely straight as a touching drama. Also the message throughout the entire movie is "sex is perfectly naturall and nothing to be ashasmed of, porn is a force of educational goodness!", yet it steers as far as possible from any sex scenes and there is barely any nudity, also themain character must "rescue" the girl from porn even though it's supposed to be a good thing?

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Hansel & Gretel was actually a lot better than I was expecting. I thought it would be some souless edgy fairy tale bandwagon turd, but it was actually funny & gory in an Army of Darkness kind of way.

 

Turns out it was made by the same guy who did Dead Snow, the equally funny & gory Nazi zombie movie.

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Top 5 movies I'd want to see reviewed?

 

1. Paradise Alley (STALLONE! Its like Rocky but with pro-wrestling!)

2. Ice Castles

3. Disorderlies (aka That Movie Starring The Fat Boys)

4. BEASTMASTER!

5. The Lords of Flatbush (Stallone! Henry Winkler! Perry King!)

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That can't do Torque, Adam Scott is a friend of the show.

 

My five would be:

 

1) Razor Blade Smile

2) The Darkest Hour

3) Dune (I do love this movie though)

4) Species

5) Good Luck Chuck

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I am genuinely worn out on bad-bad 80s movies and musicals in general. Can we move on, pls?

 

We all know how 80s movies got made. Cocaine and illiterate dummies in a world without internet. It was just a dark, dark time and most of these cheesy 80s movies just blend together. And musicals? Just who gives a shit, they're barely even movies. Jason himself has admitted to hating them recently on CBB.

 

90's were a golden age but still has plenty of good-bad movies like virtuosity(^) or johnny mnemonic, 2000s were a swing back into the retarded cycle and I'm sure its full of terrible movies to watch with actors/actresses that are actually still acting. And directors that are still alive. Would mostly like to see more recent movies, they're some of my favorite episodes like after earth or winters tale.

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It's not actually about how movies were made, just trying to find entertaining stuff, right? Anyway, it's always a gamble. I've seen some good-bad stuff when I was expecting bad-bad, and vice versa. Pre-internet stuff just has a higher hit rate because, well, like you said people were dumdums.

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It's not actually about how movies were made, just trying to find entertaining stuff, right? Anyway, it's always a gamble. I've seen some good-bad stuff when I was expecting bad-bad, and vice versa. Pre-internet stuff just has a higher hit rate because, well, like you said people were dumdums.

 

Im not sure the internet has been that much of a boost to the overall intelligence of the movie going public. Well I'm obviously taking myself as an example here.

 

As for more recent movies, I'm pretty sure that the team have to be a litle more circumspect. Theyre all still professionals trying to make a living and -hopefully- have long successful careers ahead of them. As Hollywood isnt exactly renowned for its lack of hugely inflated self worth its understandable if they tread a little lightly were more recent fare is concerned. Theyre entertainers not investigative reporters. You dont want to piss of someone still very active and influential who you might one day have to rely on for a paycheck.

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Long time listener, first time poster.

 

Here's my top five:

1 The Boondock Saints. - one of those films from some asshole who saw pulp fiction and thought, well it's good but I can do better. Offensively bad Irish accents. Shocking acting. Awful action. Dumb script. Hilarioulsy awful. THERE WAS A FIRE FIGHT!

 

2. The Core - so shamelessly derivative of Armageddon is funny. Really dreadful but hits all the tropes.

 

3. 2012. - see above, only stupider.

 

4. Twister. - a film even Philip Seymour Hoffman couldn't save.

 

5. Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. - well this one is actually amazing, in a good way, but seriously, how did someone put up the cash for this? how did this get made?

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1. Miami Connection - This movie feels like a forty year old college freshman made a Kung Fu movie. And it all takes place in the beautiful locale of Orlando, FL.

2. Rockula - Late period Cannon Films. This gem is about a 300 year old virgin-vampire who is cursed to have the love of his life killed, with a ham bone, every twenty-three years by Thomas Dolby.

3. Dead Heat - A zombie buddy cop movie starring Joe Piscopo and Treat Williams. Need I say more?

4. Death Wish 3 - Octogenarian vigilantes take back New York from the youngsters with the help of septuagenarian Charles Bronson. Originally got an 'X' rating in the US.

5. Collision Course - Pat Morita and Jay Leno partner up to find a stolen car. One's from Japan and the other Detroit, hi jinx ensue. Sounds boring, well it is, mostly. This movie has the best 'what the fuck' ending in 80's film history.

 

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1 - Undead (2003): Zombies? Check. Double shotgun? Check. Australia? Check-MATE! (Aussie pun). Seriously throughout the insane twists and turns of the plot the this movie is so crazy and so damn fun. Check it out even if you don't dedicate an episode to it.

 

2 - Splice: Oh god. Just......ughh

 

3 - The Labyrinth: If its too soon its too soon, but I love this movie for all its amazing craziness.

 

4 - I wasn't prepared enough for this post, I only had 3. But I think they're pretty darm good ones. Especially Undead, really; thats the movie I always show friends who haven't seen it before and they're rarely disappointed.

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That can't do Torque, Adam Scott is a friend of the show.

For sure they can! He's the ideal guest for a laugh-fueled episode on Torque. It would be totally awesome. And if not Adam Scott then the director, Joseph Khan, would be a great get.

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  1. Return of the Living Dead II (1988) - What is even happening in this movie?
  2. The Last Starfighter (1984) - 80's hair and an alien co-pilot that looks like an old chocolate covered raisen.
  3. The Golden Child (1986) - Eddie Murphey beats the white devil.
  4. Bloodsport (1988) - A blind Jean Claude Van Damme avenges his friend Ogre by giving some one a pink belly and screaming like a mad man.
  5. The 13th Warrior (1999) - Antonio Banderas learns Norse by listening.

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2 - Splice: Oh god. Just......ughh

 

 

Yes! I watched this with an ex who shared my adoration of creature scifi and body horror, and we were laughing at it super hard and went "Whoa now" at the

inter species, gender swap, possibly borderline pedo quasi-incest boning

That I would love to hear Jason's reaction to.

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"Twister" would be amazing. Every one grab a belt. That will save you!!

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