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As expected I was not a fan of this movie. I very much agree with Paul that this movie has comedy chops but it just keeps getting in the way of itself. Rather it walks this fine line of being a wacky comedy and being a B-movie pastiche. Let's start with the first real joke, the car exploding. The gag of putting "VFX: Car on fire" or whatever it was is a fine joke. It's a little inside to film making process when shots like that exist in not yet completed films. Yet, in a real B movie would that shot exist? No it would be a terrible effect or some stock footage. Imagine that scene but say they cut to clearly some stock footage of a car in an open area that's clearly not that location exploding. Still funny but yet actually in keeping with B-movie style and behavior. Both are fine jokes yet one is an homage and the other just a joke. To me it's more like he wanted to make this silly movie but could only get a little money to make it so he decided "if I deliberately make it bad then I can get away with doing things on the cheap." This was a comedy first that they slapped B-movie onto to cover up possible short comings. That's the problem. B-Movie is not a genre. To take tropes from all these things and try and put them together muddies the waters. To support this point look at the movie Manborg. Manborg was a super low budget (a few thousand) Canadian movie from the early 2010s. That movie was trying to be a send up of 1980s sci-fi post apocalypse movies. Story-wise the movie is pitch perfect to those types of movies. Yet there are jokes within it but the story and how it plays out is on point for an 80s bad movie. It is clear what it is mimicking. There are good in jokes like a character being Australian a nod to the ozplotation films of the 80s that show it is aware of its roots and what it was doing. Visually the film doesn't capture the full look and feel of the 80s because they use lots of green screen. Yet the cheap costumes and the filters they use add to a retro film. It's a goofy movie that cost nothing to make and was made out of love of films of that genre. Now Velicopastor is suppose to be doing a similar thing yet it just leaves you with more questions. The hosts note they aren't sure when this film is suppose to take place. They note the Vietnam war but there are no visual clues that this is a lost or dated film. The cars are modern, the dress is modern, none of this evokes a specific time or type of "B-movie." They read claims from the director that the film was baked in an over and dragged around in a car. Did anybody notice any grain or film like quality to the movie? No it looked digital for for that budget was most likely digital. There is nothing in this film other than stilted acting and dialogue that indicates it is suppose to be a "bad movie." Both Manborg and Velicopastor are super low budget movies that are comedies. The main difference one is a B movie parody first and comedy second while one is a comedy first and a b movie second. Of course this is all subjective to the viewer and your mileage may vary. Personally I feel if you want to be a funny parody like Airplane!, Young Frankenstein, or Black Dynamite you must be what you are parodying first, and not like Superhero Movie or Meet the Spartans where the framework of what you're parodying is a set up for jokes within the movie and really has nothing to do with the movie. Paranormal Activity, Eraserhead, Primer, and El Mariachi budget's combined equaled that of Velocipastor with enough left over to make something like Manborg. Having no money is no excuse to make something purposefully bad.

Very happy with the sauna burrito discussion. I didn’t watch this film and I am going to say it is due to scientific accuracy. Because of “Jurassic Park”s raptors (which were actually based on another species; I think they just liked the name better) people tend to think that raptors were a lot bigger than they actually were. A velociraptor was actually about one foot tall. They are very closely related to birds. I mean, all dinosaurs are. But the “raptor” name is pretty telling that it’s related to birds of prey. And historical velociraptors DEFINITELY had feathers, as many dinosaur species did. When they make a sequel where the pastor turns into a feathered dinosaur about the size of a vulture that can’t fly, THEN I will watch. Otherwise I find it too unrealistic.

Sequel idea; Philoso-Raptor vs Veloci-Pastor. Logic vs faith. Whoever wins...we win, cause dinosaurs! Also no excuse for a crummy velociraptor costume, youtube prank videos have been doing them for years (the "cheat" to making even a cheap dino costume look better is the tail, its just about getting the tail waving in the air). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmxQSwwTRqU&t=36s&ab_channel=ramenturtle

Sorry I just need to rant a bit more about this movie mostly the writer/director. Let's look at two claims he made that were read out in the episode. First the claim that he baked the film and scuffed it up with dirt and grit to add texture and lines to it. For me this story rang some bells. I was a huge Peter Jackson fan loving Bad Taste and Dead Alive from my early teens. Between those movies he made a smaller non-b movie called Forgotten Silver about a made up turn of the century New Zealand film maker. Do you want to take a guess how Jackson created authentic looking lost footage? Hint it involves ovens and dirt. His methods were so good they fooled people. Did anybody notice any grain or artifact like quality to Velocipastor? No it looked digital for for that budget was most likely digital. So if he did what Peter Jackson famously did and fooled people with, how did we not notice it? The second thing I want to talk about is his story about how he came up with the idea. He said his phone auto-corrected velociraptor to velicopaster and that gave him the idea. I want you to pick up your phone right now and type in the word "velociraptor." Did your phone autocorrect that word? Try misspelling it. What most likely will happen is it will correct it to velociraptor or just underline it in red. What it will not do is autocorrect it to velocipastor. Why is that? Autocorrect doesn't make up words. Why would it correct it to something that doesn't exist. Now, maybe he wanted to write velociraptor and misspelled it. Yet that's not an as funny story. It's a better story if the phone did it and it inspired me than me just making a mistake and thinking it was funny. I'm not saying the filmmaker is a bad guy just the two story they read from him have a distinct aura of BS about them to me. It makes me highly doubt the claims the money came from his mom's friend. More likely like Kevin Smith or other first time film makers he just maxed out his credit cards. Yet that's not funny or quirky as he seems to wants this whole thing to be.

Shout out your favorite plagiarized lines from Velocipastor! My top two were: 1. "War is hell, and hell never changes" -- pretty much straight ripped off from every game in the Fallout franchise. 2. "I want you to have 11 kids and spend 15 minutes with each of them" -- very reminiscent of something Danny Kaye says to Bing Crosby at the start of White Christmas. Is that reaching? Maybe ... what else is there to say about a movie that's so in on its own joke, every thing we might point out could be shrugged off as touch-in-cheek. I guess I mainly think that the schvitz duvet thing sounds cool. I love a good sweat. But also Catholics don't wear their rosaries as necklaces, the cross with flame logo that's on the outside of the church is actually a Methodist symbol, and blah blah blah.

My understanding is this movie was based on a fake trailer the director did (similar to the fake trailers in Grind House). I think that probably is perfect for this premise. Five minutes or less because it's really just the portmanteau to skate by on. The director has done a couple other movies I've never heard of, then this. So, I kind of wonder if he either has no other ideas or if the velocipastor trailer got his biggest reaction and this was his best shot at making a name for himself. I wondered about this as well. I watched this on my phone while working. So, I figured maybe I missed the scratches on the film but I didn't notice any. Robert Rodriguez claims he purposefully scratched the film for Planet Terror from Grind House. Velocipastor's first movie was a fake trailer that he expanded to a full length movie and claims he destroyed the film. So, I think this guy is just a huge fan of Grind House or Robert Rodriguez.

I also hated this movie. And part of what I hate is the laziness of the research and writing. Some of the jokes were moderately clever, but not enough to redeem it. Someone acknowledged this already, but the Velocipastor appears to be a Catholic Priest and so the idea that he doesn't believe in dinosaurs is nonsense. While I'm not really Catholic anymore, I was raised Catholic and my parents allowed me to read books and go to museums about dinosaurs. I saw Jurassic Park 7 TIMES in the theater. They both believed in evolution and dinosaurs, as did all my teachers and priests (one of whom was kind of a dick and may have been eating people as a velociraptor in his spare time). Another ridiculous thing was the exorcism scene. First off, if these priests were so devout (or really if they were anyone who sat through the Exorcist) they would know that to have an exorcism, you need the approval of the local Archbishop and it has to be done by a priest according to the highly ritualized Rituale Romanun. The Church is certainly not going to bring in some Criss Angel looking douche bag to perform an exorcism for them.

Im going to benefit of the doubt the auto correct - I bet it didn’t make it one word but “velocity pastor” or something. My phone has done some messed up stuff like that where you look at the sentence and wonder how fat your fingers truly are.

I love that little movie. Saw it on DVD from my video store (back when those existed—sob). It was actually made for a TV show that often showed real documentaries, but Jackson’s film was a subtle, absurdist spoof that was totally different from his usual stuff. If I remember the details for the DVD extras correctly, New Zealanders were pissed because they felt duped. it was sort of a War of the Worlds radio show-type scandal.

I’m glad you drew a line in the sand as to the realism of this movie! I will stand with you so I don’t have to watch it and I will plagiarize your reason so I don’t have to come up with my own (can you plagiarize a reason? Maybe that’s a topic for another time). i think this episode had some of my favorite tangents of the year. Can we get more hour + long episodes of barely related tangents? As I look out of my windows—in Seattle—at a wall of smoke that is trapping me inside, I need more amusing tangents to distract me from the flaming shitstorm that is 2020. (probably lame) Jokes aside, I hope people on the west coast (and everywhere,really) are staying safe and I am truly sorry if you are caught up in this environmental nightmare.

He doesn’t have a racist bone in his body, it’s his brain that is the problem.

I did not enjoy watching this movie. If you are going to wink then wink hard. There were long stretches of this movie where things were played fairly straight and boring. How can a 70 minute movie seem too long? The only parts I enjoyed were the bits with Frankie Mermaids. This might be due to seeing the raptor/ninja fight a couple years ago on youtube so its intentional shittiness wasn't novel anymore. If you want to do another satirical, low budget film then I would recommend Cannibal the Musical. The South Park guys made it while they were still in film school. It's much weirder and funnier movie. It might actually be too good for a HDTGM.

I want to make fun of The VelociPastor, but I’m frozen, like Papa Doc trying to battle B-Rabbit at the end of 8 Mile. This movie preemptively acknowledges all of its own stupid shit, so there is nothing left to find fault with. I can see why Paul, June and Jason spent so much time hilariously discussing sauna burritos, 10-Step programs, and Tik-Tok MD.

I’m a special ed instructional assistant and I give support to everyone in this fucked-up situation. Trying to figure out online learning in front of a computer for 7 hours a day FUCKING SUCKS. Everyone I know is doing their best while simultaneously stressing the fuck out. It took me the better part of a week to figure out a problem that I could have figured out in 5 minutes if I wasn’t dealing with it online. Dealing with the minutiae of Microsoft Teams/Excel/Schoology/SeeSaw is NOT why I chose this career. sorry for venting. Happy school year! Good luck to everyone!

Feathers make them more scary. Birds are mean. My sister got attacked by a swan and they don’t have teeth. Plus I know from comic characters like Archangel and Falcon that feathers can be used like projectile knives. That’s just science.

Regardless of the order, it's not valid medical advice. I'm not a doctor, but everything I've ever read says that this is outdated from when people didn't understand viruses at all. You should feed both.

We have a new champion for cheapest movie! This, Sleepaway Camp ($350,000) and Chopping Mall ($800,000) are the only HDTGM movies so far under the $1 million mark. I really did not think that there would have been an episode on a movie under $100K, but there we are.

I've only watched about half of the movie but here's a few things I want to address... "Feed a fever, starve a cold." That's the wrong way around. It's "feed a cold, starve a fever." Now was this lazy writing or did Nam-Vet Priest deliberately get it the wrong way around because he somehow intuited that Fr. Doug was now part dinosaur? Because dinosaurs were cold blooded and their metabolism works in almost the opposite way to ours. So by switching around the adage was Nam-Vet Priest letting slip that he knew Fr. Doug is part reptile or was it caused by the PTSD he no doubt suffered after his special lady was liquidised all over his face in Nam? "Dinosaurs never existed and even if they did I don't transform into one!" Besides being an amazing line of dialogue this kinda implies that Catholics don't believe in dinosaurs which we all know isn't true. A mistranslation in the Bible leads many people to think that Jesus had a problem with Tax Collectors whereas the truth is he had issue with T-Rex Collectors - the big game hunters of their day. The Confessional When Fr. Doug kills the pimp in confession those are the roomiest confessionals ever. There's a standing lamp behind the pimp! I'm only used to the confessionals I know from Ireland and maybe everything is bigger in America but standing lamps seems a bit excessive even for you guys. Other quick things: in Nam did many US soldiers wear jeans and carry shotguns? The drinking from chalices was great. If Nam-Vet Priest tried his hand at the clergy AGAIN after coming home then it meant he was already in a seminary (or Priest College as it's properly called), left, met a girl, went to thoroughly convincing Vietnam and then after his sweetheart phase changed all over him decided to go back home and give being a priest another go. Finally the priest outfits are the shoddiest pieces of shit ever. Look at that collar - it's like someone stitched it while wearing the Dinosaur costume!

I have not had the chance to either watch the movie or listen to the episode. I just wanted to say to all the parents out there doing the Distance Learning thing...

I want to point out a simple thing: Budget was $35k and that Dino costume was definitely NOT more than a few grand of the budget. Here are a couple of mascot costumes for about a grand that look way less shitty than that half T-Rex/half Quasimodo (quartermodo?) costume. So, I don't know where Paul pulled that number from besides his ass. Maybe he's lost touch with us working stiffs bc he just buys sauna beds now.

Yea, but a velocipastor is much bigger. This isn't about velociraptors.

Meet the Raptors Btw, I love that there are still people who think that feathers make dinosaurs less scary. As if a species of 6 ft tall seagulls wouldn't make us extinct in a matter of weeks.

I think calling the movie Utahpastor would have been confusing.

I think this should be done with Charlie's Angels 2 following immediately afterwards. The gang could spend an entire podcast dissecting Demi Moore's performance alone.